Jokes can come in and out of style, but one thing is certain: dad jokes will never get old. There’s something about the experience where you just know that a corny dad joke is about to be told. It almost makes you want to cringe and facepalm before the punchline even hits.
But that’s what makes dad jokes so special — they aren’t like regular jokes. They’re actually pretty complex. Think about it; they’re funny even when they aren’t supposed to be. They always get a reaction, whether that’s laughter, eye rolls, or grimaces and groans! As bad as dad jokes can be, they are timeless and will forever be funny in their own unique way.
You can always rely on a good dad joke to get everybody’s attention. For situations where you need a corny dose of humor, here are 173 of the best dad jokes that you can use or simply enjoy (or cringe at):
173 Dad Jokes
1. What did the evil chicken lay? Deviled eggs.
Source: Food Network
2. I’m afraid of the calendar. Want to know why? Its days are numbered.
3. Why do dads take an extra pair of socks to go golfing? Just in case they get a hole in one!
4. How do you get a country girl’s attention? A tractor.
5. Air used to be free at the gas station, but now it costs way more. Why is that? Inflation.
6. Why do leopards have a hard time hiding? Because they’re always spotted.
7. Have you heard about the claustrophobic astronaut? Well, it seems like he just wanted more space.
8. How do you get a country girl’s attention? A tractor.
9. I have a hard time trusting the stairs. They’re always up to something.
10. It’s fun singing in the shower until soap gets into your mouth. Now, that’s what you call a soap opera.
11. There was once a snail who got rid of his shell while racing. This turned out to be a bad move because instead of making him faster, it just made him sluggish.
12. What do the Eiffel Tower and a tick have in common? They’re both Paris sites!
13. Let’s say you walk into a bar only to find a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That’s the punch line.
14. What would you call a pudgy psychic? A four-chin teller.
15. Why did Han Solo send his steak back to the kitchen? It was Chewie.
16. Why did the father sell their family’s vacuum cleaner? Because it was just gathering dust.
17. Why did the orange lose the race? Because it ran out of juice.
18. I can’t walk my dog near the pond anymore because the ducks keep biting him. It’s my fault for getting a pure bread dog.
19. I heard they arrested The Devil. Apparently, they locked him up on grounds of possession.
20. What is an illegally parked frog called? Toad.
21. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
22. How can you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator? You see one in a while and the other later.
23. What would you call a fish that wears a bow-tie? Sofishticated!
24. How do you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.
25. Why are fish so intelligent? Because they live in schools!
26. My wife said I was immature. So I told her to get out of my fort.
27. What do you call dogs who are named Rolex and Timex? Watchdogs.
28. How is it possible for dogs to float in water so easily? Because they are good buoys.
29. Why is grass so dangerous? Because it’s full of blades.
30. What do you call a fish with no eye? A fsh.
31. What is a lazy kangaroo called? A pouch potato.
32. Why did the man fall down the well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
33. What do you call it when a group of apes starts a company? Monkey business.
Source: Holmes Murphy
34. The man’s daughter didn’t want to believe that her father was stealing from his job as a traffic cop, but when she got home, all the signs were there.
35. What do you call a factory that makes products that are just okay? A satisfactory.
36. My wife asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall” to her. I said maybe…
37. What is the most detail-oriented body of water? The Pacific Ocean.
38. Two cups of yogurt walk into a country club. “We don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender tells them. “Why not?” one of the yogurts asks. “After all, we’re cultured.”
39. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
40. What’s the most bittersweet drink you can have? Reali-tea.
41. What did the DNA say to the other DNA? “Do these genes make me look fat?”
42. A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie is everywhere!
43. What rock is always in a hurry? Mount Rushmore.
44. Why do peppers make such good archers? Because they habanero.
Source: iStock Photo
45. Why do nurses prefer red crayons? Because they have to draw blood.
46. Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!
47. What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast!
48. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
49. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!”
50. What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing; it just waved.
51. My wife asked me to sync her phone, so I threw it into the ocean.
52. What do you call someone without a body or a nose? Nobody knows.
53. Where do boats go when they’re sick? To the dock.
54. What did the sink say to the toilet? “You look flushed!”
55. What does a cow use to do math? A cow-culator.
56. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
57. Which is faster, hot or cold? Hot, because it’s easy to catch a cold.
58. Why didn’t the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.
59. Why did the onion get flustered? It saw the salad dressing.
60. What happens when you go to the bathroom in France? European.
61. I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.
62. How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
63. Can February March? No, but April May
64. What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn? “Where’s Pop Corn?”
65. I’m so good at sleeping that I do it with my eyes closed.
66. Why is the cemetery so popular? I mean, people are just dying to get in there!
67. What do you call a pencil with two erasers? Pointless.
68. What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.
69. Why didn’t the skeleton climb the mountain? It didn’t have the guts!
70. Did you hear the joke about the roof? Never mind, it’s over your head.
71. Where do fruits like to go for vacation? Pear-is!
72. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.
73. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
74. What type of car does an egg drive? A yolkswagen.
75. What do you call a snowman’s tantrum? A meltdown.
76. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he just woke up.
77. When does a joke become a “dad joke?” When it becomes apparent.
78. Where do you learn to make a banana split? Sundae school.
79. Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it!
80. Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.
81. How does Moses make his coffee? Hebrews it.
82. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
83. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
84. How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.
85. What did one hat say to the other hat? “Stay here! I’m going on ahead.”
86. What’s the difference between a snowman and a snow woman? Snowballs.
87. Why did the coach have to go to the bank? To get his quarter back.
88. My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
Source: Focus Fitness
89. Are those vampires sick? They’re always coffin.
90. I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had when I was growing up. Good thymes.
91. How do astronomers organize a party? They planet.
92. I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
93. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
94. What’s a bad wizard’s favorite computer program? Spell-check.
95. Why did the raisin go out with the prune? Because he couldn’t find a date.
96. A guy walks into a bar…and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.
97. Shout out to my fingers. I can count on all of them.
98. What did the flowers do when the bride walked down the aisle? They rose.
99. Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
100. Why did the banana go to the hospital? Because he wasn’t peeling well.
101. Why couldn’t the astronaut land on the moon? Because it was full.
102. Where do math teachers go on vacation? Times Square.
103. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
104. How does a penguin build his house? Igloos it together!
105. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
106. What do you call a pig who does karate? A pork chop.
107. When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?
108. I once had a dream I was floating in an ocean of orange soda. It was more of a fanta sea.
109. Stop looking for the perfect match…use a lighter.
110. I just watched a series of movies back to back with a friend. It maybe wasn’t the best idea, because it meant I couldn’t see the TV.
111. What do accountants say when they audit documents? “This is taxing!”
112. I tell dad jokes, but I don’t have any kids. I’m a faux pa
113. What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale.
114. I used to hate facial hair…but then it grew on me.
115. Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind. It’s tearable
116. I had a neck brace fitted many years ago. I’ve never looked back since.
117. What’s the best-smelling insect? A deodor-ant!
118. What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business.
119. RIP boiled water—you will be mist.
120. Why are spiders so smart? They can find everything on the web.
121. I slept like a log last night — I woke up in the fireplace!
122. I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.
123. Lobsters don’t like to share. That’s because they’re shellfish!
124. It’s too bad that pampered cows make spoiled milk!
125. Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything!
126. I could tell you a great joke about pizza, but I’m afraid it might come across as too cheesy!
127. Why was the robot so tired after his road trip? He had a hard drive.
128. The wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers!
129. What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.
130. I wanted to go on a diet, but I feel like I have way too much on my plate right now.
131. I once met a shy pebble. It said it wanted to be a little boulder.
132. What sound does a witch’s car make? Broom Broom!
133. Someone has glued my pack of cards together and I don’t know how to deal with it.
134. Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn’t change color? He had a reptile dysfunction.
135. What did the daddy buffalo say to his son when he left for work? “Bison!”
136. I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro. It’s a total rip-off!
137. What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race? “Hey, you should ketchup!”
138. What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
139. Those two octopuses look exactly the same — they must be itentacle!
140. Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
141. What does a cloud wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear.
142. Why can’t your hand be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
143. What key is used to open bananas? A mon-key!
144. Sore throats sure are a pain in the neck!
Source: Trustcare Health
145. What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.
146. My son asked me to put his shoes on, but I don’t think they’ll fit me.
147. The rotation of earth really makes my day
148. I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that’s just nuts!
149. What did one eye say to the other eye? “Between you and me, something smells.”
150. I have a fear of elevators, but I’ve started taking steps to avoid it.
151. I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.
152. A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.
153. I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
154. What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car? Tyrannosaurus Wreck.
155. Dogs can’t operate MRI machines. But catscan.
156. What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
157. How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut!
158. What kind of music do planets like? Neptunes.
159. I don’t trust those trees. They seem kind of shady.
160. Do you want a box for your leftovers? No, but I’ll wrestle you for them.
161. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
162. What do you call a man who can’t stand? Neil.
163. Why was the broom late for work? It overswept.
164. My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So, I had to put my foot down!
165. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
166. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents!
Source: Geeks of Doom
167. What do you call a hot dog on wheels? Fast food!
168. Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
169. What kind of bird is always getting hurt? The owl.
170. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.
171. What does a baby computer call his father? Data!
172. Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water? He had a very esteemed colleague.
173. When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
If you liked these dad jokes, no matter how corny they are, be sure to check out more of our funny articles!