So it’s 2016, and there is still time to make a resolution. On behalf of everyone, here are a few ideas for men in their 30s.
1. Going to the club.
Quite frankly, you make everyone uncomfortable. Especially if you’re trying to hide that wedding ring.
2. Tap out with the Tap Out
This isn’t really a good look for anybody, but when you’re 30 years old, it’s time to retire the Tap Out.
3. Abbreviation texting.
You’re not a teenager anymore. Spell your words out. Pls.
4. Looking like a slob on the golf greens.
You should definitely know better than this at your age. I mean, most people know you shouldn’t wear jeans to a golf course BEFORE you’re 30, but now is definitely the time to put an end to that.
5. Piercings
Truthfully, once you’ve hit 25 it’s time to let those holes close up.
6. Bumper Stickers
By the time you’re 30, your car should be less of a declaration piece and more of a means of transportation.
7. T-shirts that have weird bedazzled emblems.
Ed Hardy needs to go. Affliction needs to go. They don’t make you younger or more hip.
8. Loud music
It’s cool when you’re a high schooler in your first car. At 30? Not so cool.
9. Knit hats
Leave this one for the hipsters, folks.
10. Actually watching Pro Wrestling
You know it’s fake, right? What part of this entertains you? Help.
11. Bachelor Pad
As of now, you should realize that nice things attract people to you. Don’t want people (of your age) to enjoy your company? Then keep on, keeping on.
12. Being a real Metalhead.
Long, greasy hair, tight jeans, and a t-shirt from Aerosmith’s first concert is not a good look. Just no.
13. Trying to be a Booze Boss
College? Yeah! 25? Eh, sure, still fun. 30? Move on. Drink if you want to drink, but no need to prove how much you can down in a matter of 5 minutes.
14: Flip phones
You can afford a smart phone. You can do real things on a smart phone. Do flip phones even exist anymore?
15. Have an embarrassing wallet
Having a nice wallet is like entering adulthood. But to stay in adulthood, you’ve gotta upgrade from the one you’ve had since you were 18.
16. Secret Handshakes
Just completely not necessary.
17. Flat Bills
Flat bills are not a good look for ANYONE. If you’re 30 and reading this, you should know better. Don’t be that guy.
18. Gym Bag = luggage
GET A SUITCASE. Gym bags are for the gym. They hold smelly things.
19. Peace Signs in Pictures
Or any hand sign in pictures. Please, just smile.
20. Beer Pong
Bro, just drink your drink… Bro.
21. Online Fights
Who are you even fighting with? The 12 year old who commented on JT’s photo saying JB is way better?
22. Un-ironed Clothes
Just take 5 minutes and iron your shirt. You look like you’ve never had nice clothes before.
23. Paintball
Totally fun when you’re at a 14 year-old’s party. But when you’re 30 years old playing against a 14 year-old, it’s just strange.
24. Lifted Trucks
Are you trying to prove you’re a real man? The extra 12-inches of height really makes up for your other… insecurities.
25. Scarface Posters
Or posters in general. You’re a man, not a boy.
