40 Funny New Years Resolutions That Are So Funny Because You Know Will Never Happen

Every year it’s the same thing right? When the end of December comes everyone start to think about their new years resolution and if we’re being honest with ourselves, by begining of February we all broke our promise and we’re crying in our room like after a breakup.

The list below of funny new years resolutions is the perfect example of what i just said above and i’m sure everyone will relate. But before all that. Are you holding back from that piece of pie? Take it! You wanna skip the gym today to just Netflix and Chill? Awesome! All the new years decision is not for people like us right? Screw that noise, we do what we want, but if you want a good laugh right now, just browse the list below and laugh out loud.

1. funny new years resolutions: Avoid employing my strikingly decent impression of Mickey Mouse’s voice when having sex.

2. Increase my relationship status from forever alone to slightly desperate.

3. Never again take sleeping pills and laxatives on the same night

4. Get away from toxic people…

5. Become as fat as i was the very first time i ever thought i was fat.

6. LOL – forgot to workout today…better luck next year

7. My new years resolution is to overcome my OCD

8. This year i want to drink less and go to the gym more often. nailed it…

9.  My new years resolution is to be more assertive. OK? IS that cool?

10. Exercise ( my right to eat more ) Shut up. You don’t know me!

11. ” Don’t make love to Victoria’s Secret models ” resolution is going great so far

12. Get cooler

13. Never walk in my dad cleaning the shower again…while he’s naked – my favorite of the funny new years resolutions list

14. Hilarious new years resolution – not giggle when i poop into my own hand ( what?! )

15. Stop using my cat as an excuse for a boyfriend

16. Climbing stairs more often, wait…

17. My cat new years resolution is to continue being an asshole

18. My new years resolution is to give up. Alcohol!

19. Trying to do more underwear modeling

20. Hysterical new years resolution – burned 2000 calories while i took a nap with cookies in the oven

21. Love myself like Kanye loves himself

22. LMAO! One of the best in the funniest new years resolutions list

23. Using my gym card more be like…

24. Making people believe i’m normal

25. Saying at least once ” I don’t roll that way “

26. Lying that i go to the gym

27. To be a nicer person, or at least try to

28. To read the history of the world

29. Less time with people, more time on my phone

30. Eat more bacon and drink more Whisky

31. Just to say i have something but actually not

32. LOL – love this funny new years resolution

33. Being the same honest asshole i’ve always been

34. Achieve life goals

35. This is a good one, fighting depression and anxiety

36. My new years resolution is to remember to take my meds

37. Trying to forget 2016 please

38. That’s not for me people

39. Trying to leave Tinder

40. Not come to work hangover

What’s your funny new years resolutions? Share with us on social media