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Home Funny

40 Funny New Years Resolutions That Are So Funny Because You Know Will Never Happen

Awesome Daily Staff by Awesome Daily Staff
March 15, 2017
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40 Funny New Years Resolutions That Are So Funny Because You Know Will Never Happen
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Every year it’s the same thing right? When the end of December comes everyone start to think about their new years resolution and if we’re being honest with ourselves, by begining of February we all broke our promise and we’re crying in our room like after a breakup.

The list below of funny new years resolutions is the perfect example of what i just said above and i’m sure everyone will relate. But before all that. Are you holding back from that piece of pie? Take it! You wanna skip the gym today to just Netflix and Chill? Awesome! All the new years decision is not for people like us right? Screw that noise, we do what we want, but if you want a good laugh right now, just browse the list below and laugh out loud.

1. funny new years resolutions: Avoid employing my strikingly decent impression of Mickey Mouse’s voice when having sex.

funny new years resolutions (1)

2. Increase my relationship status from forever alone to slightly desperate.

funny new years resolutions 2 (1)

3. Never again take sleeping pills and laxatives on the same night

funniest new years resolutions 3 (1)

4. Get away from toxic people…

funniest new years resolutions 4 (1)

5. Become as fat as i was the very first time i ever thought i was fat.

funniest new years resolutions 5 (1)

6. LOL – forgot to workout today…better luck next year

funniest new years resolutions 6 (1)

7. My new years resolution is to overcome my OCD

funniest new years resolutions 7 (1)

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8. This year i want to drink less and go to the gym more often. nailed it…

funniest new years resolutions 8 (1)

9.  My new years resolution is to be more assertive. OK? IS that cool?

funniest new years resolutions 9 (1)

10. Exercise ( my right to eat more ) Shut up. You don’t know me!

funniest new years resolutions 10 (1)

11. ” Don’t make love to Victoria’s Secret models ” resolution is going great so far

funniest new years resolutions 11 (1)

12. Get cooler

funniest new years resolutions 12 (1)

13. Never walk in my dad cleaning the shower again…while he’s naked – my favorite of the funny new years resolutions list

hilarious new years resolutions 13 (1)

14. Hilarious new years resolution – not giggle when i poop into my own hand ( what?! )

hilarious new years resolutions 14 (1)

15. Stop using my cat as an excuse for a boyfriend

hilarious new years resolutions 15 (1)

16. Climbing stairs more often, wait…

hilarious new years resolutions 16 (1)

17. My cat new years resolution is to continue being an asshole

hilarious new years resolutions 17 (1)

18. My new years resolution is to give up. Alcohol!

hilarious new years resolutions 18 (1)

19. Trying to do more underwear modeling

hilarious new years resolutions 19 (1)

20. Hysterical new years resolution – burned 2000 calories while i took a nap with cookies in the oven

hilarious new years resolutions 20 (1)

21. Love myself like Kanye loves himself

hilarious new years resolutions 21 (1)

22. LMAO! One of the best in the funniest new years resolutions list

hilarious new years resolutions 22 (1)

23. Using my gym card more be like…

lol new years resolutions 23 (1)

24. Making people believe i’m normal

lol new years resolutions 24 (1)

25. Saying at least once ” I don’t roll that way “

lol new years resolutions 25 (1)

26. Lying that i go to the gym

lol new years resolutions 26 (1)

27. To be a nicer person, or at least try to

lol new years resolutions 27 (1)

28. To read the history of the world

lol new years resolutions 28 (1)

29. Less time with people, more time on my phone

lol new years resolutions 29 (1)

30. Eat more bacon and drink more Whisky

lol new years resolutions 30 (1)

31. Just to say i have something but actually not

lol new years resolutions 31 (1)

32. LOL – love this funny new years resolution

lol new years resolutions 32 (1)

33. Being the same honest asshole i’ve always been

funny new years decisions 33 (1)

34. Achieve life goals

funny new years decisions 34 (1)

35. This is a good one, fighting depression and anxiety

funny new years decisions 35 (1)

36. My new years resolution is to remember to take my meds

funny new years decisions 36 (1)

37. Trying to forget 2016 please

funny new years decisions 37 (1)

38. That’s not for me people

funny new years decisions 38 (1)

39. Trying to leave Tinder

funny new years decisions 39 (1)

40. Not come to work hangover

funny new years resolutions 40 (1)

What’s your funny new years resolutions? Share with us on social media

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One of our many staff writers who preferred to keep his privacy. We have a team of writers and contributors that publish content from time to time writing about entertainment, food and more.

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